My Vision Loss Experiences

March 23rd, 2024

 
Charles Bonnet Syndrome (CBS) is characterized by visual hallucinations resulting from the brain’s adaptation to significant vision impairment.
 
While CBS shares similarities with Schizophrenia, it is crucial to discern their distinctions.
Unlike individuals with schizophrenia, those experiencing CBS maintain awareness of their hallucinations and can distinguish them from reality.
 
CBS manifests as hallucinations in psychologically stable individuals coping with visual impairment or blindness.
It’s imperative to acknowledge that not all visually impaired or blind individuals develop CBS.
Now, let’s talk about my personal encounter with vision loss and CBS.
(Woohoo!)
 
Despite my visual impairment spanning several years, I began experiencing hallucinations around 2020, coinciding with further deterioration of my vision.
Although I do not fit the archetype of “perfect psychological health”, a diagnosis of schizophrenia has been conclusively ruled out.
While I cognitively recognize these hallucinations, their vividness often evokes immense distress due to their lifelike appearance and detailed recollection.
In my experience, my hallucinations predominantly involve insects, particularly cockroaches, which seem to be a recurring theme. It's frustrating that my mind fixates on them, especially considering my strong phobia of roaches. 🥲 Occasionally, the hallucinations shift to spiders (which I still am not a fan of), various flying or crawling bugs, and on rare occasions, abstract shapes or rapidly moving patterns.
 
I'm sharing this experience because it was quite unsettling. Last night, I woke up to find a massive spider on the wall near my face. It was so big, almost the size of my head! As I tried to process what I was seeing, the spider began moving its legs, similar to how a fly cleans itself. Then, it fell onto my bed and disappeared into a crack, followed by a few smaller spiders.
Reflecting on last night’s episode reminds me of the challenges of dealing with CBS. Despite knowing they're not real, these vivid hallucinations still unsettle me. It's something I usually keep to myself because it's hard to explain to others.
In moments like these, I focus on self-care, taking a mental health day to recharge and finding comfort in the company of loved ones or by simply being alone all day. It’s much needed.
 
This post adds to my ongoing efforts to raise awareness about vision loss and its impact on individuals. If you found it informative and engaging, feel free to share. 🙂

February 8th, 2024

 
I submitted a request for services with Foundation for Blind Children, an organization that serves individuals of all ages despite its name.
In 2019, I attended a training program for the blind for about a year but didn't complete it due to mental health issues and lack of seriousness. However, now I feel ready to try again at another facility in a better mindset.
Maybe this is what I need to get out of my room and depression instead of staying there 24/7 not knowing what to do with my life and struggling with coping.
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